One of the hardest lessons in motherhood is that you don’t have to do it all, and you’re not meant to.
Still, asking for help, or truly accepting it, can feel uncomfortable. You may find yourself thinking, “It’s faster if I just do it myself.” Or maybe you’ve fallen into the rhythm of doing everything because you know exactly how you like it done.
But here’s the truth: allowing others to help doesn’t make you less capable. It actually strengthens your family.
Why it’s hard to let go
Especially in early motherhood, exhaustion, hormones, and the deep desire to nurture can make it hard to trust others with your child. It feels good to be needed, it feels safe to stay in control. But when you hold all the responsibility, burnout follows quickly.
Help is love, too
When your partner, family member, or childcare provider steps in, they are not just giving you a break, they are building bonds and confidence. It’s healthy for your baby to see multiple safe, loving caregivers.
Your partner deserves the chance to find their own rhythm with the baby, even if it looks different from yours. Maybe they swaddle wrong, or their bedtime routine involves more dancing than yours, that is okay. What really matters is that your child feels safe and loved in multiple arms.
Giving your partner space to figure things out in a judgment-free environment not only creates a strong bond between them and your baby, it also helps them develop confidence and find their own way of parenting without relying entirely on you. Your partner needs time to learn to parent too, and if you micromanage every interaction, it can unintentionally set the tone that they do not need to be involved or that it is easier not to be because they are under constant critique.
When that happens, you can quickly end up as the primary or only caregiver from the start, and it can be really hard to shift into a more balanced, equal parenting role once that pattern is established. Remember, babies really do not need much beyond milk, diaper changes, sleep, and snuggles. Giving your partner room to experiment, make mistakes, and find their own flow is one of the best ways to build a strong, shared parenting team, and it also gives you the chance to rest, recharge, and show up more fully for your child.
Receiving is a skill
Letting someone help you takes courage. It means trusting that love can look different, and that rest is productive. When you rest, you return to your family with more patience, joy, and presence.
You will always be your child’s mother, but you do not have to do motherhood alone.
Planning and Accepting Help Wisely
Even if you are not living with family or friends, planning ahead and clarifying expectations can make a huge difference. Think about your support network and the family dynamics.
- On a good day, how does being with this person feel? Do they bring calm, energy, or stress?
- How can you optimize their skill set? Are they a good cook, laundry wizard, night owl, or great at soothing a fussy baby?
- Clarify expectations in advance. Let them know what you generally need help with, and know you can tweak as you go once you see what your baby and you need.
It is important to remember that you do not have to navigate this time alone. Use your support network wisely. If your parents or other relatives sometimes drive you nuts, set boundaries around when and where they stay. Maybe you and your partner ask for some dedicated time with the baby for a few weeks before extended stays happen. Consider starting with short visits, then longer stays, so you can get a handle on your baby and the relationship dynamics.
Being intentional about who helps, how they help, and when they help can keep the experience positive for everyone, and allows you to nurture your newborn without added stress.
Accepting Help
For newborns:
- Let your partner or a family member take over diaper duty or late-night feedings, even if it is not your way.
- Ask a friend to bring practical help. If you are too overwhelmed to think of specifics, you can say:
- “A meal or snacks would be amazing.”
- “Coffee or breakfast delivery would be so helpful.”
- “A short walk with the baby would help me get some fresh air.”
- “Laundry help would be wonderful.”
- “If you can just hold the baby while I shower or nap, that would be great.”
- Invite a grandparent or relative to hold or snuggle the baby while you shower, nap, or take a short walk.
For toddlers and beyond:
- Encourage your older kids to help with small tasks, like fetching wipes, entertaining the baby while you cook, or helping set the table. This helps them feel capable and builds life skills.
- Let them join you in simple household chores. Even folding laundry together, picking up toys, or helping with meal prep becomes a shared activity and quality time together.
- When they show interest, let them lead a small play or activity with the baby, such as reading a story, organizing blocks, or doing a craft. This fosters their confidence and creativity while giving you a brief break.
Personal Story: Living with My Parents During Parental Leave
When I had my first child, my daughter, we had relocated back to the area and I was on parental leave while applying for jobs and preparing for interviews. Living with my retired parents during that time was such a gift. They helped watch my daughter while I worked on applications and interviewed, took naps, did laundry, cooked, and even worked out once I was able to.
My parents had a wonderful time bonding with my daughter, and it created a really strong connection between them. They did not always do everything my way, or the way I would have preferred, but my baby was safe and loved. That support kept me calmer, which helped my daughter stay calm and relaxed too. I am so thankful for that time we had together.
Even if you are not living with family, thinking ahead about dynamics, clarifying expectations, and planning visits or tasks in advance can help you feel supported and reduce stress during the newborn period.
Personal Note:
Even now, having multiple helpers around the house is a game-changer. Sometimes my 7- and 5-year-olds entertain the toddler while I cook, and suddenly the kitchen tasks feel manageable. We all get more time to just be together because things get done faster. It also preps my kids with skills they will use for life, like helping, caring, and cooperating.
I am reading Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff, and it is a fantastic resource with concrete ways to let others help and make the family unit stronger.
✨Your Turn: Reflection prompts for you
- What is one small task you could hand off today without feeling guilty?
- Who in your support network could take over for a few hours this week?
- How could you involve your kids in a way that is fun and meaningful?
Remember, every time you let someone help, you are teaching your child that asking for support is not a weakness, it is part of healthy family life.
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